What is Jealousy?
Jealousy is complicated. It is not just one feeling itself but encompasses numerous thoughts and emotions that all come together to create Jealousy. It develops over the fear of losing something; an anticipatory emotion aiming to prevent loss, which is why it is so common within relationships.
Jealousy in this sense within a relationship, arises when you are scared of losing your partner. Your partner may be behaving the same way they always have done, however, your jealous feelings can create the illusion that the relationship is in jeopardy.
It is only natural to not want to lose the person that you love. However, this fear should not consume your thoughts and although jealousy itself may develop as a way to protect yourself from future pain, when the jealousy is unprovoked and irrational, it can begin to severely damage a relationship and your own self esteem.
Understanding what jealousy is and how it works is one of the first steps to overcoming it.
What are the Signs of Jealousy?
Jealousy manifests itself differently in each person and its symptoms can often be mistaken for other problems within a relationship or individual. We have a full article covering this subject on our website >insert link< so you can decipher whether you or your partner are suffering from jealousy, however, some of the main signs include but are not limited to:
Suspicion
Possessiveness
Dependency
Trust issues
Obsessive thoughts
Emotional instability
Intrusive questions
When these behaviours are exhibited alone, they are distressing enough for you and your partner, but when someone suffers with jealousy, they often experience multiple negative feelings and emotions in response to their uncontrollable thoughts. This is why jealousy seems so difficult to control.
What Feelings are Associated with Jealousy?
All of the jealous partner’s negative behavior here is a reaction from the jealous feelings that they are experiencing. These feelings can be:
Anxiety
Rejection
Low self-esteem
Insecurity
Feelings of inadequacy
Neuroticism
Inadequacy
Dependency
A fear of abandonment
Inferiority
There are many feelings and emotions that can contribute to the cause of jealousy and they manifest themselves in different ways for each individual. For example, a partner suffering from feelings of low self-esteem may begin to put their partner or their partner’s friend down so they do not feel quite so inadequate. It is important to recognize that this behavior comes from a place of suffering and pain.
Why do We Get Jealous?
We now know that jealousy is caused by a number of different feelings, but why do they come about in the first place? Jealousy is like phobia; we were not born with it. The thoughts and feelings that we experience have been learned subconsciously, as a response to a specific cause or moment, usually an unhealthy relationship in the past. We call this the reference event.
Jealousy within a relationship arises when we believe that history may repeat itself again. It is acting as an internal warning system to prevent us from being emotionally hurt again. Our mind does this by giving us an influx of the same emotions and feelings which we initially felt during our reference event.
What Causes Jealousy?
An example of a reference event is; if a person gets bitten by a dog, they then may go on to develop a phobia towards dogs in the future. When they see a canine, they might feel anxious or scared, feelings which they learned in response to when they were actually bitten by a dog. The same principle applies to the reference event of jealousy.
The reference event of an individual’s jealousy will vary from person to person. For some people, it may be that they have had bad relationships in the past and they have carried the anxiety that they felt into their new relationship. Their previous partner may have been unfaithful, causing them to find it difficult to trust their new partner, despite not giving them any reason to do so.
We subconsciously learn these feelings in response to such situations. For our brains to recognize a feeling, it must have been experienced by at least one of our senses; sight, sound, smell, taste or touch. An event as distressing as discovering the betrayal of a partner can encompass each one of these, which is why the feelings associated with the event appear so strong and invasive.
During the reference event, the feelings that the individual experiences will arise from a specific area within the body. For example, the person who had been betrayed by their partner may have felt nausea in their stomach, or their throat might have constricted with anxiety. These feelings resurface each time jealousy flares up.
How does Jealousy Work?
A person who suffers from jealousy will feel the exact same feelings that they felt during their reference event, however, there may not be anything distressing happening in their lives at that moment. It is important to know that the way we feel is not a direct reflection of our reality.
If at your reference event your chest began to feel tight, this is the same feeling that you will experience when jealousy overwhelms you in the future. Although everything may be completely fine within your relationship, the onset of jealousy will make you feel just as vulnerable as if the reference event was actually reoccurring. This is why jealousy can seem so convincing and alter our perception of reality.
The feelings associated with jealousy can be triggered by seemingly innocent events. For example, a partner could begin to feel jealous after seeing their significant other like a photograph of somebody on Facebook; the act itself is most likely innocent, however, the jealous individual may associate this with unpleasant events from their own past, triggering their jealous feelings.
The feelings of panic in their stomach or tightness across their chest will return in the same way that it did in their reference event. The feelings are always within the same places in our body, however, they only cause physical sensations when they are triggered.
Just because our brains have subconsciously learned to respond to certain situations this way, does not mean that it is right or that it is not treatable. You will often find that a person suffering from jealousy will know that their feelings are irrational, however, they do not know how to stop the vicious pattern.
Because jealousy is a learned response, there is a way to unlearn it.
What Effect does Jealousy have on a Relationship?
There are two sides to every relationship and jealousy makes life difficult for both of them. If your partner is suffering from jealousy, you may feel exhausted and suffocated as your every move and decision is analyzed and if you are suffering yourself, it might seem like it has taken over your life and you are stuck in a vicious cycle.
This is why I began overcomejealousy.com. To show couples that they can save their relationship and they can look forward to a jealousy free future together.
What does it Feel to Live with a Jealous Partner?
Living with a partner with jealousy can be incredibly difficult, especially when you are unaware that your partner’s behavior is caused by their suffering from jealousy. When you do not understand why your partner is acting in this way it can seem like they are simply being malicious and controlling.
When people feel like they are being controlled or suffocated, they pull away in order to regain some space, however, this only exacerbates the anxiety in their partner, making their behavior worse. It can feel like you are trapped in a vicious cycle and whatever you do or however you try to help is not good enough.
Feeling trapped in a relationship is one of the number one reasons that couples go their separate ways. You may feel like you have tried everything to save your relationship and although you love your partner, you cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel.
If you believe your partner may be suffering from jealousy, we have put together a test >Insert ink< to find out. Determining whether or not your partner is experiencing these negative feelings is a great step forward to strengthening your relationship.
How does the Jealous Partner Feel?
Being a partner who is suffering from jealousy can be just as difficult, if not more so. The anxious, toxic thoughts that are associated with anxiety take over your mind and prevent you from being able to move on with your life.
You most probably do not want to be feeling these negative thoughts that take over your life, but you do not know how to stop them. It can feel like no matter how hard you try to push those thoughts and feelings away or stop yourself from challenging your partner, there is nothing you can do.
The negative thoughts and feelings that you have each day can consume your body and experiencing this is difficult enough on its own. Often, partners who are suffering from jealousy will internally punish themselves for the way that they are thinking and the behavior that they are exhibiting, further feeding feelings such as inadequacy.
You may be aware of these feelings such as inadequacy or anxiety, however, you may not have considered that these are purely symptoms of jealousy, which is completely treatable.
What are the Dangers of Leaving Jealousy Untreated?
If jealousy is left untreated in a relationship, it can become toxic and ultimately bring it to an end. This is mostly caused by a lack of understanding on both parts.
Sometimes the jealous individual believes that their feelings are right or valid, otherwise, surely they wouldn’t be feeling them in the first place… However, our feelings do not work this way and as we mentioned earlier, our feelings are learned responses to situations and we can just as easily unlearn these. Because they believe that their actions are justified, they cannot understand their partner’s frustration with their behavior, causing conflict within the relationship.
On the other side, often the partner of the jealous individual does not understand their feelings of jealousy. They do not understand that partner’s actions are a symptom of their suffering, which they require help and support to overcome. It is this lack of understanding that leads to feelings of resentment. These feelings of resentment can make you pull away from your partner, which only exacerbates their jealousy further.
You may feel as if you have tried everything and the situation just seems to get worse, this is where we come in. We show couples that this does not have to be the end of their relationship and it can be the beginning of their journey to a jealousy free relationship.
How is Jealousy Cured?
There are many types of therapies out there both face to face and online, which can help with jealousy, but very few offer a cure. From psychotherapy to counseling.
Whilst counseling may help you to understand some of the feelings associated with jealousy, it focuses on learning to live with the feelings rather than eliminating them. Alone, it is not substantial enough treatment to prevent jealousy from potentially arising again in the future.
Many couples partake in couples therapy, believing that whilst the jealous partner may be experiencing unwanted and unpleasant thoughts and feelings, their other half would also benefit from making some changes to their character or personality. While in some cases this may be true, the only real way to cure jealousy is to treat the jealous individual themselves, otherwise there is a high risk that the feelings will make an unwanted return.
It is the jealous partner themselves with the negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, not that requires treatment, not the relationship and many therapy options dismiss this vital part of recovery.
Forms of psychotherapy are often the most effective treatment for jealousy. The client will work with a therapist to process the painful emotions and feelings that they experience and reframe the negative thoughts which affect their behavior towards their partner.
Some common forms of psychotherapy include:
Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
CBT focuses on challenging the thoughts and feelings associated with jealousy to reframe and restructure our response to them.
Psychodynamic therapies
Therapists work to bring forward the client’s negative subconscious thoughts to eliminate them from their root cause.
Eye Movement Desensitization Resolution (EMDR)
EMDR works by asking the client to recall distressing images associated with the event that triggered hir negative thoughts and feelings. Whilst doing this, they will partake in one type of bilateral sensory input, such as moving their eyes from side to side.
Somatic therapies
Whilst also a holistic therapy, there has been success in the use of somatic therapy in some individuals. This type of therapy focuses on the ways that the mind and body are interlinked in regards to their psychological past. Focussing on the theory that trauma affects the autonomic nervous system, causing an imbalance within the mind and body.
Whilst these therapies can be helpful in reducing the symptoms of your jealousy, they seldom offer a cure and you are never guaranteed that these feelings will not return.
At overcomejealousy.com, we understand the pros and cons of each treatment available helping us to curate our 100% effective method to eliminate jealousy.
Medication
Medication is sometimes prescribed as a means to deal with the symptoms of jealousy, such as anxiety, depression and often insomnia. However, these drugs do not offer solutions, instead, they simply hide the symptoms without curing the underlying issue, leaving the suffering open to resurfacing once your body adjusts to the medication or as soon as you stop taking it.
Popular types of medications include benzodiazepines, SSRI antidepressants (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and beta blockers.
Types of benzodiazepines include diazepam, alprazolam, lorazepam, clonazepam. These are sedatives and work to relax the muscles, calm the nervous system and help induce sleep. SSRI’s focus on increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain with the aim of increasing the patient's overall feelings of happiness. Beta blockers are most commonly used in patients with heart issues, to help retain a normal heartbeat. However, doctors often prescribe this to treat any anxiety related disorders with the aim of calming some of its symptoms.
Medication simply masks the symptoms and dismisses the cause. By curing your jealousy at its root cause, there will be no symptoms to alleviate and therefore no need to take unnecessary drugs.
Why We are Different
Here at overcomejealousy.com, we have a unique understanding of jealousy and in turn, a unique approach. With over nine years of experience curing jealousy in relationships, we have studied the way in which it manifests itself in different individuals and we understand exactly how it works.
With a background in treating phobias, we were able to notice major similarities between suffering from jealousy and living with a phobia. We were able to use that knowledge to assist us in developing a method of therapy that guarantees a permanent cure, which has proved 100% effective for all of our clients.
Our therapy encompasses many of the same principles of psychotherapy, but with a deeper understanding of how our feelings and emotions are connected with our body and subconscious.
Our unique and successful approach focuses solely on the jealous partner to completely eliminate their jealous feelings, thoughts and emotions. We take into consideration where the feelings take place within their body and the sensory responses they experience to reframe their response to their reference event.
We understand that in order to change our brains negative responses surrounding jealousy, we must revisit the reference event and acknowledge the role that our senses played.
It is our confidence in our ability and our commitment to your recovery which made us create our guarantee: we will cure your jealousy for one set, fixed-rate of £680. A client has never left our treatment without being cured and we never give up until you decide that you are ready.
We believe that everyone deserves to be in a loving and happy relationship, which is why we wanted to ensure that our service can be accessed no matter where in the world you may be. We offer one to one personal therapy sessions which take place either on the phone or online, so you do not have to schedule your whole life around recovery.
How We Can Help
We apply our unique expertise and knowledge to our approach to psychotherapy. Whilst you will work closely with your overcomejealousy.com therapist to reframe the negative thoughts and feelings associated with jealousy, we will also revisit the reference point to eliminate the jealousy permanently.
We will work with your jealousy and your partner’s response to your jealousy and will provide you with useful ways to improve recovery in between sessions.
With over nine years of experience in curing jealousy in clients, we are confident in what we do. Therefore, we promise a guarantee; we will eliminate your jealousy at a fixed price of £680 and you get to decide when you are ready to finish your treatment (maximum of 20x50 min sessions).
We are confident in our ability to remove these unwanted feelings from people’s lives and we are proud to be able to send our clients on their way to a life free from jealousy.